1. Reflection
After reading through your personalized X-Ray, come back to this page and take fifteen minutes to reflect on what you have read and maybe never considered. Once you’ve had 15 minutes to reflect, write down the three most important things you’ve learned. Then, write down one specific action you believe you need to take, when you need to take it, and to what degree or extent.
1.
Action I need to take:
2.
Action I need to take:
3.
Action I need to take:
2. Life X-Ray Description
Have you ever felt that you weren’t achieving your full potential? How much of that has to do with childhood experiences? Have you ever really wanted to help a loved one but didn’t know how?
The Life X-Ray has been designed to help individuals of all ages to understand themselves and others better. If you’re a young person, we trust you took the test in your most natural setting, probably at home. If you’re an adult, please think back to when you were 16 and take the test from that age perspective (as much as possible).
A large part of the X-Ray deals with natural skills, talents, and tendencies that are largely based on an individual’s personality. The X-Ray and the information therein is not to be construed as an absolute science or truth. It will provide some foundation in helping you to understand yourself and others better. Ideally, you will also interact with a person who has been certified in the X-Ray who can help you understand the principles you’re about to learn. This consultant can help you to apply specific suggestions so that you can succeed at a whole new level.
IMPORTANT NOTE
If at any time during the review of the information in the X-Ray you feel overwhelmed or like you don’t want to finish reading your Life X-Ray, jump to the personality assessment and review. Every part of the X-Ray will change your life, but the personality assessment and review will probably have the most profound effect in every area of your life. It will help you to understand yourself, your childhood, your loved ones, and those you work with in an unprecedented way.
3. Goals of the Life X-Ray
The goal of this Life X-Ray for young people is to help you better understand yourself and those around you. As a result, you will have a more fulfilling life. We trust it will help you in the following areas:
· Improving relationships with your parents, siblings, friends, teachers, and anyone else who comes into your life
· Achieving your life dreams and goals
· Achieving your full potential in all areas of your life
· Getting the most from your education and making the educational process fun, exciting, relevant, and lifelong
· Feeling good about yourself, having self-confidence and self-esteem, discovering a willingness to accept others for who they are, and gaining an understanding and acceptance of your own personal strengths and weaknesses
· Learning more in less time with less difficulty
· Finding greater peace, more fulfillment, and greater life satisfaction
4. Why Use the Life X-Ray?
If you are an adult completing the X-Ray, then our goals for you are equally aggressive. As an adult, have you ever felt that additional information about your childhood could provide you with valuable insight and make a huge difference in your life today? Our goal and passion would be that your Life X-Ray would help to reveal some of these secrets and unlock your full potential in all areas of your life.
We know that we are all affected to some degree by our childhood experiences, but we often don’t look into them in detail. If you’re an adult, then you have the benefit of experience. Looking back to when you were 16 will give you a snapshot of that point in your life. This snapshot will help you in the following areas:
· Understanding how and why you relate to people today based on your natural personality, your birth order, and the environment in which you were raised
· Understanding what motivates you within a relationship and why you are naturally “turned on” or “turned off” by certain characteristics in others
· Learning how to get along with others at work by understanding your boss and co-workers
· (For parents) Learning how to relate to your children, motivate them, and help them to magnify their strengths and minimize their weaknesses.
· Understanding some of the foundational events within your life that you may have never fully grasped on a conscious level
5. About Life Masteries Institute
Life Masteries Institute ( www.lifemasteries.org ) is a non-profit 501(c)3 organization that is devoted to bringing tools, systems, training, support, and information to the entire world so individuals can achieve their full life potential. If you would like to be a part of this huge vision to touch everyone in the world, please register online and enthusiastically share this information and the X-Ray with other individuals you know and love.
Life Masteries would like to thank the person who introduced you to this powerful, fun, exciting, and life-changing tool. We trust that you will also thank him/her as well. We would also like to thank you for taking some of your time to invest back into the development of your life and the lives of others. We encourage you to share this X-Ray with at least three other people you know.
If you have benefited from this tool and would like to help someone else who may be unable to afford it by providing him/her with a financial gift, please go online and give through the secure Life Masteries web site (www.lifemasteries.org\give\ ), or you can call toll-free 888.789.7878.
We would also like to thank the team at Synergy Solutions, Inc. ( www.synergysolutions.net ) for their contribution to making this whole project come together. Numerous other individuals have contributed both time and expertise. LMI would like to acknowledge them at www.lifemasteries.org\generous-givers\. They have contributed high-level executive resources in the areas of content development, proofing, research and development, graphic design, training, and support. If you own a company, are an executive, or have parents who fit either of those descriptions and would like to use your gifts, talents, and resources to make a difference in others’ lives, then please call Life Masteries for additional information. Not only does your involvement make a difference in other people’s lives, but it makes great business sense as well.
If you know of any company looking for assistance from an organization where people care, are highly trained, and have powerful tools to help employees and employers increase their work productivity, decrease stress, and increase profitability, then have them call Synergy Solutions, Inc. toll-free at (888)230-2300. Synergy provides executive coaching, sales coaching, recruiting, business and sales development, high-quality seminars, video editing and production, and marketing and design assistance.
6. Introduction to the Life X-Ray
You will see five major areas within this X-Ray. There is also a cross-analysis based on your personality, which provides a much deeper understanding of why you do the things you do, how you approach situations, what your weaknesses are, and how you can overcome those weaknesses with less effort and time.
To get the most from your X-Ray, don’t expect to learn everything the first time through. It is recommended that you read through the big picture first and then go back through it again in more detail later. Remember that none of us got to our current state overnight and probably won’t change overnight. Everyone at the Life Masteries Institute would like to help you and your loved ones make changes that will stay with you your entire life.
There isn’t one right way to use the X-Ray. You can take a small portion of the analysis, review it, work on some activities, work though it with a friend or group of friends, follow the suggested structure, or make something up on your own that fits for you. However you go about following though with what you’ve learned from the X-Ray, the key is to have fun, enjoy it, and actually follow through with a few small areas of improvement on a consistent basis.
This X-Ray is designed to look into five major areas of an individual’s life. Within each of these five areas, the X-Ray breaks those areas down into ten sub-areas, which are all measured by asking rating questions (on a 1-to-10 scale).
We will first look to provide suggestions and review activities in the five major areas. We recommend that you take 10 minutes once a week to review a specific area of your X-Ray and complete a few of the exercises. Don’t worry about finishing everything in one sitting. Do as much as you can in the time you have.
A. Dreams and Goals
1. The Importance
Why are dreams and goals so important to one’s life? Dreams are what give each of us hope for the future. If we don’t have hope for the future, then we despair, give up, and don’t have the drive to accomplish our full potential.
Once we have dreams, our powerful minds have the ability to set goals. Once we have goals, we can then determine what actions, resources, efforts, and energy will be required for us to achieve those life dreams. When we have really big dreams, it gives us hope. When goals and specific actions are added to hope and dreams, we can determine what values we need to accomplish our life dreams. Without dreams, values have little power.
Let’s do a little dreaming! Let’s just brainstorm together and come up with some really exciting life dreams. By going through your Life Masteries X-Ray you will learn that it is not the reaching of life dreams and goals that creates happiness in life; the proper pursuit of those life dreams creates happiness. Enjoy the journey because there are so many people who do not. Many people work their whole lives to accomplish their life dreams, only to find out that happiness wasn’t waiting for them at the end. Enjoy the journey!
Completion of the following questions will assist you in building your life dreams.
Exercise A-1
1. What are some of your really big dreams and goals?
2. What does success in life mean to you?
3. When your life is all over, what is it that you would like people to say about you?
4. Success in ________________ means the following to me:
2. Scoring
If you scored between 90 and 100 in any area, you’re doing great! Excellent work! If you scored between 80 and 89, you’re headed in the right direction. Keep up the great work, focus on where some of your weaknesses are, and set out to correct and improve in those areas. If you’re between 65 and 79, this is probably one area where you could really benefit from additional assistance, feedback, encouragement, tools, and personal guidance.
If you’re below 65, don’t be too concerned; this is where most people in the world will score. On the other hand, you’re probably feeling a certain amount of frustration with life and believe deep down that you’re not achieving your full potential. With some simple assistance, some very special tools, a little guidance, and some hard work on your part, you can turn this area around and get on track to having some great dreams and goals. These dreams and goals will excite and motivate you to get up in the morning and look forward to the day.
Regardless of your scoring, if you’re feeling like a loser whose life has no meaning or purpose, then there’s something inside of you calling out for assistance. It’s important to listen to that call and seek assistance from others. While there are times in everyone’s life when we feel worthless, as we grow up we learn to understand what those feelings mean and how to deal with them.
Have you ever thought something was true only to find out later that it wasn’t? Have you ever known for sure that you saw or felt something but then realized that you were mistaken? Take just a minute to write down a situation you experienced in life where this was the case and where you were deeply disappointed.
Exercise A-2
The scenario you have just expressed could be very similar to any feelings of worthlessness, hurt, and failure that you may experience. It feels so real and permanent, and you’re sure the pain will never go away. As with the scenario above, given time and some assistance, you will learn that these feelings will pass. Some of the hardest times in life lead to or even allow some of the greatest things in life.
If you’re really struggling in this area now and are having feelings of hopelessness, please do ask for assistance from others. It would be best to talk with your parents. It may seem at times that they don’t understand or love you, but in most cases there is no one on the whole earth that cares about you more than they do. Give them a chance, understand that they have some of their own fears, and let them help you. Everyone will be glad you took the initiative.
If you’re in a situation where your parent(s) have physically, mentally, or sexually abused you and you have lost every ounce of respect for them, don’t give up hope. Other individuals out there care about you a great deal! Please talk to a pastor, priest, teacher, or close adult friend. If you don’t have anyone in your life whom you really trust, or if you need additional assistance, please call the Life Masteries Institute. They will either provide assistance or find someone who can help you. The toll-free phone number for the Life Masteries Institute is 888.789.7878.
3. Background
The following are a few of the reasons many individuals don’t have life dreams and goals:
- No one has provided assistance in helping them to set dreams and goals.
- They have been so “beaten down” over the years that they don’t believe they’re worthy of setting great goals, or they lose hope because their goals never seem to materialize.
- Some personalities tend to be more pessimistic and don’t want to reach for the stars for fear of failure. They may also think that they need to achieve everything they set out to do.
- In place of long-term dreams, individuals have substituted drugs, premarital sex, or other addictive behaviors, which are easier in the short term, take less work, are perceived as less risky, and return a short-term boost in good feelings.
Exercise B
If you find that you don’t have any big dreams and goals, which of the above best describes the reason? Write out any other reasons you believe you don’t have great life dreams and goals.
4. Taking Action Right Now
It’s easiest in the short term to put things off and not take action. It can often feel better—in the short term—to procrastinate. But in the long term, it breaks down our self-esteem, self-confidence, and feelings of self-worth.
Before you do the exercise in this section, you may want to read the next section.
Exercise C-1
Tell about one difficult thing you’ve done in your life that you really felt great about accomplishing.
Exercise C-2
What are some of your short-term, “simple” goals that you know you could achieve if you just wrote them down, had a little encouragement, or knew someone who would hold you accountable?
Exercise C-4
What are some of your long-term life goals, and what is it about those goals that is so important to you?
Exercise C-4
What is your life’s purpose? We recommend that you take 30 minutes a week for the next two months and review some of your life dreams and goals and then work to craft a short paragraph that summarizes your life’s vision and purpose. Don’t worry about what it ends up looking like as it will probably evolve over time and will grow as you grow personally.
Exercise C-5
To accomplish our goals, we need to write them down clearly and do the following: determine the steps, actions, time frames, and resources needed to accomplish those goals. Then, consistently do those actions in the right manner. Please write down one goal you would like to accomplish in the next three months along with specific, measurable actions and “due dates.” Don’t worry if you don’t do it perfectly the first time. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work for you. Don’t worry if you do it totally wrong! It’s OK. The important thing is that you’re taking action. If you take action and learn from the outcome, over time, you will see success.
Steps / Actions / Goal for completion date
5. How to Handle “Defeat” or “Failure” of a Dream or Goal
Why is it that so many people don’t set high life goals? One of the biggest reasons is that people don’t have a proper definition of “failure.”
Failure defined: Failure is either not trying something or not learning from what we try.
Read that definition over again! Think about it! What does that mean? So many well-intentioned adults and leaders do great harm by saying that they don’t want to get people’s hopes up by encouraging their dreams only to see them fail. What that adult or leader is saying is that they themselves don’t know how to “fail” properly.
Anyone who has seen great success in life laughs at failure. They understand that failure is as much a part of success as the actual success. People askedEdison, “Didn’t it discourage you to fail almost 1,000 times to invent the light bulb?” What wasEdison’s response? He said, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times; I just found 1,000 ways a light bulb wouldn’t work.”
Success is not a destination; it’s a journey. Enjoy the journey because once you achieve the success, you’ll realize that the destination alone doesn’t bring happiness. Some “experts” and educators try to shortcut the process for young people by creating an artificial success without leading them through the journey. The reason these experts do this is because they have failed to understand one of the natural laws of the universe, the “cocoon principle.”
The Cocoon Principle
What would happen if you saw a caterpillar trying to get free from a cocoon and “helped” that caterpillar by cutting open his cocoon? You may have done so with the best intentions and hopes for his success, but you would have ended up killing the caterpillar because you didn’t understand the natural laws of the universe. Without the struggle of breaking free from the cocoon, the butterfly’s wings would be too weak to support its flight. It would die where it lay.
We’ll talk in one of the later sections about how to build true confidence and self-esteem based on this principle.
6. Final Thoughts on Goal Setting
It has been said that without a vision, people perish. Without written goals, there isn’t a road map to success. In the best-case scenario, it’s going to take a great deal longer to accomplish anything in life, and in almost every situation individuals will not accomplish their dreams and goals.
LMI recommends that you read books on goal setting, listen to tapes, watch motivational videos, etc. so you can find out more about this fascinating process. Feed positive thoughts and input into your mind, and your mind will produce positive results.
Ideally, you would develop a detailed one-year life plan and then develop an overall life plan. Some may say to develop the overall plan first prior to the one-year plan, and we would support that as long as the one-year detailed plan is developed and reviewed on a monthly basis. Many times individuals will develop a life plan and review it once or twice a year, which really doesn’t get the job done.
B. Relationships
1. The Importance
Solid relationships mean that our lives will be more fulfilling, less stressful, and perhaps even longer! We will earn more money with less effort and actually enjoy what the money can do for others and ourselves. We will achieve a higher degree of our full potential.
Most people understand the importance of building solid relationships; however, few people really know that following natural laws will in all likelihood produce solid long-term relationships. The first step in this exciting process is learning the natural laws. Honoring them comes soon after.
These natural laws, when applied, will produce exceptional results. When we violate these natural laws, we end up with poor relationships with our parents, our brothers and sisters, our co-workers, and even our friends.
Without learning and applying these natural laws, there is a high probability that our marriages will end in divorce and that we will lose the very things we love and need most in life.
Don’t try to change everything about yourself or someone you love overnight. Work on just one or two small areas. Once you see success in those areas, than add additional areas to work on.
2. Scoring
If you scored between 90 and 100 in any area, you’re doing great! Excellent work! If you scored between 80 and 89, you’re headed in the right direction. Keep up the great work, focus on where some of your weaknesses are, and set out to correct and improve on those areas. If you’re between 65 and 79, this is probably one area where you could really benefit from additional assistance, feedback, encouragement, tools, and personal guidance.
If you’re below 65, don’t be too concerned; this is where most people in the world will score. On the other hand, you’re probably feeling a certain amount of frustration with life and believe deep down that you’re not achieving your full potential. With some simple assistance, some very special tools, a little guidance, and some hard work on your part, you can turn this area around and get on track to having some great dreams and goals, which will excite and motivate you to get up in the morning and look forward to the day.
3. Background
What is the foundation of solid relationships? Great relationships are built on trust, respect, honor, love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, and kindness, to name a few characteristics.
One book that has stood the test of time and has given millions of people all around the world understanding about relationships is the Bible. While there probably a million different views on the Bible, probably most everyone would agree that this book contains some of the greatest teaching of all time about building relationships that last a lifetime.
Many other relationship-building books, tapes, and videos exist that can help you take your relationship-building skills to a whole new level. Please check with your certified consultant for further recommendations or e-mail your specific request to info@lifemasteries.org
Another great topic that will help you in taking your relationships to a whole new level of success is the understanding of personalities. Numerous books are available on this topic that can help you understand both yourself and loved ones around you. In the whole family of X-Rays, the Life X-Ray is one of the most powerful in personality analysis.
Once you understand others’ personalities, you will know what makes them tick and why. You will learn what turns them on, turns them off, makes them happy, or makes them mad. You’ll know why they like you (or don’t like you). You’ll be able to figure out what type of person they’ll probably marry and what that relationship would look like.
We will discuss this area in a fair amount of detail later as well as throughout the remainder of the X-Ray. Strap on your seat belts and get ready for learning some very exciting things about what makes you and others tick.
- Taking Action Right Now
To take action, it’s obviously helpful to know what action to take. Have you ever felt the frustration of trying to make someone happy, but all he/she did was get upset at you? We’ve probably all felt that way more than once in our lives. By understanding the four personalities and what personality category you fall into, it will help you throughout the relationship-building process.
This section is easiest if those closest to you also complete the Life X-Ray so you know precisely what their personalities are. Adults taking the Life X-Ray need to think back to when they were in high school and answer the questions as best they can as if they were still in that period in their lives.
Make a list of the personalities (in the order listed on the X-Ray) for each of the following people: (The easiest way to do this is to have them take the shape test. Ask them to rate in order which shape they like the most: a cube pyramid, wayv line, or a ball.)
Dad: 1st: 2nd: 3rd: 4th:
Mom: 1st: 2nd: 3rd: 4th:
Siblings:
_____ 1st: 2nd: 3rd: 4th:
_____ 1st: 2nd: 3rd: 4th:
_____ 1st: 2nd: 3rd: 4th:
_____ 1st: 2nd: 3rd: 4th:
Best friends or others you know:
_____ 1st: 2nd: 3rd: 4th:
_____ 1st: 2nd: 3rd: 4th:
_____ 1st: 2nd: 3rd: 4th:
_____ 1st: 2nd: 3rd: 4th:
If they are unwilling or unable to take the X-Ray, you can do the geometric testing (explained below) and have some idea. Please keep in mind that this is not as accurate as the full test, but the geometric test is better than nothing. Ask each of the above people which of the four shapes (cube, ball, pyramid, and wavy line) they like the best, 2nd best, and 3rd best.
If they chose the cube, then mark them down as an analytical. If they chose a pyramid, they would be a driver, a wavy line would be an expressive, and a ball would be an amiable.
The following will provide brief insights into what each of the four personalities look for and value in relationships.
It’s important to remember that we all like to feel valued and that we’re contributing. Think of it like watering and fertilizing a plant. Each plant is a little different, so if we don’t really understand the needs of the plant we’re fertilizing, then we will do it improperly.
In almost all families, each family member likes to be “watered” and “fertilized” in a specific manner. We also all tend to think that others like to be watered and fertilized just like we do. This is not often the case!
When we learn how we’re built, we’re able to communicate to others what our needs are and understand how we can meet the needs of others. These are two of the foundational pillars in building a strong, fun, exciting, close, and solid relationship.
The following tips will help you to understand friends and family members in a new and exciting way.
Analytical - cube
What they like:
Analyticals like to be acknowledged for what they know or perform accurately. They like to have order in a relationship, home, or workplace. They like to have plenty of time to think through things, enjoy details, and often need a great deal of data before making any decisions. They are often first-born children. Analytical parents are often cautious and don’t take many risks. They like when everyone calmly sits down and goes over all the choices in a logical fashion and everyone agrees to the “most logical” choice.
What they hate:
They tend to dislike change and being forced into making fast decisions. They hate to be wrong and will think before they speak. They don’t like people who tend to be pushy, opinionated, or emotional (but often marry someone just like that).
Relationship tips:
Try to keep things in order within the relationship. Keeping rooms, a home, or a work area neat is one of the best ways you can show this person you love him/her. Be careful not to argue with analyticals; they really think about what they’re going to say prior to saying it, so they’ll be right most of the time… and even if they’re wrong, they have enough data to make it look like they’re right, anyway, so just don’t bother to argue. J Listen closely to what they’re saying, don’t interrupt them, and let them finish their thoughts. Don’t point out where they’ve been wrong in the past.
In Relationships:
In most situations, the analytical will be attracted to the expressive personality. They’re often interested in people who are their “opposites” in skills, talents, and even interests. They may be attracted to individuals who are outgoing and fun, have lots of friends, and speak without thinking.
Once they are in that relationship, the very things that drew them together may push them apart. They loved the fact that that person was spontaneous but now hate the fact that that person does things without thinking, always wants other people around, doesn’t think before he speaks, and can’t balance the checkbook.
The solution to these challenges is often found in appreciating each others’ strengths as you did initially. Then, work hard to not only show appreciation for those strengths but to apply them in your own life so that you and your loved one grow together rather than apart..
Childhood notes:
Analyticals are often the first born or do not have siblings who are close to them in age. They will tend to excel in areas in their life that require being precise and accurate. They will probably be very detailed and like to make sure everything is “perfect” and in order.
They hate when they make mistakes and have a very hard time laughing at themselves. They are skilled in detailed planning and thinking. They will enjoy subjects in school such as math, science, and art because these require attention to detail. The analytical personality often appreciates the traits of people with the amiable personality. When the rules say to do something, they actually take it at face value. (The driver personality will often question rules, fight them, or simply not follow them. The expressive personality might come up with a way to view the rule in a different light that is more conducive to their perspective or just think that the rule doesn’t apply to them. The amiable personality will often tell you they understand the rule, say they agree with it, and even obey it while they’re in front of you so they don’t hurt your feelings. Then, when you’re not around, they will do what they believe is the right thing to do.)
The analytical young person will often appear to have positive self-confidence and self-esteem on the outside. But on the inside, they may feel quite different. The analytical will carry two major weaknesses into adulthood if they do not identify and work on those weaknesses. Pride is the first weakness. Because analyticals are very good at what they do and seem to make fewer mistakes than those around them, they can view themselves as superior. This pride then leads to the dangerous backlash of poor self-esteem, their second major weakness.
Poor self-esteem and pride don’t seem to be connected; however, they often go hand in hand. Analyticals will tend to have difficulty accepting others and may become critical of them when they are unable to live up to the analyticals’ high expectations. The truth is that analyticals’ expectations are too high even for them to achieve. As analyticals become more humble and less prideful, their own self-esteem will increase greatly, and their friendships with others can deepen.
How childhood will affect the rest of their lives:
The greatest strengths of analyticals in careers and relationships are their organization, attention to detail, and clarity of thought. Interestingly, their greatest weaknesses are their organization, attention to detail, and clarity of thought! Anyone’s greatest strength can become his greatest weakness because any weakness is just a misapplied strength.
In analyticals’ relationships, both personal and professional, they create too much organization and detail. They tend to use the linear, logical left side of their brains the most. They attempt to figure the relationship out from a logical perspective, but to the expressives and amiables in their lives, they totally miss the mark!
As mentioned earlier, analyticals are often attracted to the expressive personality. The expressive spouse, boss, or child will work very hard to get the analytical to loosen up, share her feelings, and be more flexible and less picky. This may cause a great deal of pain for the analytical, but it’s usually in her best interest!
Analyticals need to learn to think less and take great action. They need to learn that making mistakes is a part of life and that mistakes are acceptable from both themselves and those around them. They need to learn how to embrace being wrong and not always take the “safe” route. If analyticals learned to be less judgmental and to use more of the right (intuitive) side of their brain, they would exceed their potential.
In most work situations, the analytical needs to make a decision immediately the minute they think they need more data. The analytical could learn from the expressive, amiable, and driver that it’s OK to make a decision without all the data and that in some situations, they’ll actually make better decisions without all the facts. If you’re an analytical, I bet you’re thinking that whoever wrote this must not be “one of us.” You would be surprised to meet the writer, as I may be one of the structured, systematic, detailed people you’ve ever met!
In relationships, analyticals need to learn to let go of some of the small details and to lower their expectations of themselves and others. If analyticals decide to listen to their emotions rather than logic, they will greatly improve their relationships. If analyticals embrace the differences between themselves and their loved ones and work to emulate certain characteristics of those loved ones, they will find they are surrounded by some of the best “life coaches” they could ever have!
When analyticals learn to control their own natural strengths rather than the other way around, they can be two to three times as effective in every area of their lives. Analyticals need to go easier on themselves and accept their strengths as gifts. Also, they need to appreciate the strengths of others and learn to be more like them. With this in mind, analyticals will realize their full potential in all areas of their lives.
Application – Analytical
Name: ______________________________ Relationship To You: .
Think of one person in your life who is an analytical and complete the following questions.
1. What do you admire most about this person?
2. What do you believe his/her greatest strengths are, and what can you learn most from this person?
3. What suggestion would you give to this person to help him/her prevent that strength from becoming a weakness?
4. How can this person and others like him/her assist you in achieving your full potential? What can you do to help this person achieve his/her full potential?
Driver - pyramid
What they like:
Drivers feel best when everything is under control and they are quickly achieving their goals. In relationships, they enjoy knowing and feeling that the people around them wholeheartedly buy into their vision. They enjoy being in relationships where they can just speak their mind and don’t have to worry about hurting people. The driver enjoys accomplishing tasks and will often put that goal ahead of making people happy.
What they hate:
Drivers hate when things get out of control. They don’t like dealing with slow-acting people or individuals who are unable to make up their minds quickly. They don’t like it when tasks are not accomplished. Making people happy is often near the bottom of their priority list.
Relationship tips:
With a driver, it’s recommended in discussions that you cover the big picture first and don’t go into all the small details. Keep facts in the forefront of the communication rather than allowing feelings to take over. If drivers become angry, upset, or stressed, it’s usually because they feel that things are out of control. If you can help them gain control, then they will love you. Don’t take their apparently brusque comments personally; they often share their thoughts without thinking of careful wording or how their comments will be received.
In relationships:
Drivers will often be attracted to the amiable personality; they love the fact that the amiable is warm, loving, supportive, and nurturing. They will work very hard within a relationship and will often have a passion for helping (or pushing!) the other person to achieve his/her full potential. Drivers also tend to dominate relationships.
They need to learn to chill out, take things less seriously, have more fun, and not be so pushy. Within a relationship with an amiable, the amiable needs to learn to be more proactive, avoid letting people take advantage of him/her, stop fearing conflict, and be willing to take some risks.
To get the most from a relationship with an amiable, drivers needs to learn from their counterparts the traits of patience, caution, thinking the best of people, and not being so forceful. The amiable needs to learn from the driver the ability to deal with things quickly without fear of conflict, be more forceful with feelings, take risks, and take more initiative.
Childhood notes:
The childhood of the driver personality is often filled with a great deal of aggression. This type of young person tends to be goal-driven, purposeful, and determined. They love to take on challenges as well as authority. They need to know the “whys” behind every rule and will challenge rules at every given opportunity. A young driver hates when things get out of control and will do whatever it takes to gain control. When directed properly, he or she will set great life goals, aggressively pursue those goals, and remove any obstacles to them.
Young drivers find competition in any situation. They also love to win. If they see an adult back down, give in, or get angry, they will often believe that they have won or are winning, which emboldens them to be even more aggressive. They hate to lose and won’t enter into fights unless they are confident they can win in one way or another.
Once drivers set their minds to do something, it’s almost impossible to stop them from following through. These individuals tend to measure success on profit, speed, and “getting ahead.” Because of their natural assertiveness, they will often become leaders. Adults and other young people will often call on the driver when something needs to get done.
A driver with strong foundational values, a tireless work ethic, loyalty, and direction will accomplish a great deal and may even end up as a company president or other high-ranking leader.
How childhood will affect the rest of their lives:
The driver personality will be drawn to the amiable because drivers often have a deep-down sense that they are missing something they need to accomplish their goals and dreams. They also experience situations in life where their way of getting things done doesn’t always work very well. By naturally seeking out others who provide balance in their lives, the driver will have greater control of his life, accomplish more in less time, and reach his potential in all areas of his life.
The driver personality hates when things get out of control. Drivers’ desire to obtain and maintain control is one of their strongest skills within a career as they are able to create success even amidst difficult tasks.
While drivers’ ability to control things is one of their greatest strengths, it will also become one of their greatest weaknesses. They will often try to gain control of situations that are none of their business! When drivers perceive that things have gotten out of control, they will often be insensitive to the people involved in their attempts to “fix” the situation.
The driver needs to worry less about control, tell people around them how much they are appreciated and respected, and focus a great deal more on people and less on tasks. In relationships, the driver needs to slow down, listen better, be more patient and less judgmental, and really focus in on learning from those loved ones around them. This will not only help them in their personal relationships but will help them in their careers to accomplish two to three times what they would have otherwise.
Application – Driver
Name: ______________________________ Relationship to you: .
Think of one person in your life who is a driver and complete the following questions.
1. What do you admire most about this person?
2. What do you believe his/her greatest strengths are, and what can you learn most from this person?
3. What suggestion would you give to this person to help him/her prevent that strength from becoming a weakness?
4. How can this person and others like him/her assist you in achieving your full potential? What can you do to help this person achieve his/her full potential?
Expressive – wavy line
What they like:
Expressives love to have fun, be the center of attention, and do lots of exciting things. They like to party and be around a lot of people. They enjoy multitasking and living on the edge. They like to be in situations where their successes are showcased and they are recognized for their superior accomplishments. They are happiest when someone else takes care of all the details!
What they hate:
They hate “boring” activities, sameness, and tasks that require detail or consistency where their creativity and energy cannot be fully expressed. They hate being second at anything; their competitive nature often gets them into many challenging situations in life.
Relationship tips:
In any relationship, it is very important that not to try to change the other person. The easiest way to change another person is to change ourselves. If the traits of the expressive aren’t skills that you possess, seek to learn how they can make people laugh and move them to take action. By showing them that you’re interested in learning more about them, they will show a much greater interest in helping you achieve your life dreams and goals.
In relationships:
They tend to be drawn to the analytical personality because analyticals think before they speak, can be soft-spoken, let them do a great deal of the talking, and appreciate their sense of humor and outgoing nature.
If the expressive will learn to listen and take more time to reflect and think before speaking, their loved ones will feel more secure in the relationship.
Childhood notes:
The expressive child will often be the third or last child. Expressive children are often very outgoing, have a ton of friends, love to talk, and seek the spotlight. Having fun is very important to this child, and boring activities will be this child’s worst fear. This child will have a million ideas but may fail to follow through on any idea that isn’t “fun.”
The expressive child will have trouble keeping focused and will wander from the tasks at hand. This child will often be a kinesthetic learner, which is to say that they learn best by experience. They will often have struggles in school and get in trouble for goofing around and not sitting still. They will often be diagnosed with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), and their parents often fear that they will never settle down or amount to anything.
It’s very important to expressive children that they be perceived as successful by their peers. They will tend to get what they want in life by persuading people through their energy, excitement, and enthusiasm. Their people skills and aggressiveness will often be rewarded, and as a result they will become more and more skilled in those areas.
Due to their people skills and their aggressiveness, they also tend to have wide mood swings. When they are “on” and feeling good, they’re a joy to be around; when they are “off” or in a bad mood, it can be difficult to be around them. They love being with people to reinforce the natural needs in their lives. In their adult lives they will carry these same strengths and weaknesses, just like all the other personality types.
How childhood will affect the rest of their lives:
The expressive will often be attracted to someone of the opposite personality (analytical). Why? Expressives like having others around them taking care of the small details in their lives, covering the boring things, leveling off their moods and feelings, and balancing their checkbooks for them. J
Expressives will struggle with being consistent within their relationships and will have a difficult time doing things that aren’t fun. It’s hard for them to follow through with the things that they know they really should do. In their work lives, they often have challenges in knowing when to be serious and task-driven and when to focus more on the people side. Even though they will often outperform everyone else in their company, their ideas may not be taken seriously.
This group of people usually has difficulties with time management and learning when not to care about everyone’s feelings and when to stay laser-focused on getting the tasks done. Expressives will often see “less qualified” people advance farther and faster than they do, which will present another source of frustration and irritation to the expressive.
With friends and family, expressives may be seen as moody and self-centered. Others may perceive that they’re not doing the things that need to be done, always taking the easy way and fun way out.
Like all other personalities, expressives will overuse their strengths. Their great strength is in generating many ideas; however, due to lack of focus, following through on those ideas is difficult. If expressives use their natural assertiveness with themselves as they do with others, they can discipline themselves not to start one of their new and exciting ideas until they finish working on the last one.
Expressives can show concern for people around them by staying focused on some of the smaller details in life and finishing a task even when it’s not fun. Another great suggestion for expressives is to trust an analytical in their life to help them focus on and manage some of the smaller details in the projects they are working on. This will change the way others look at expressives and how much they are able to accomplish.
Application – Expressive
Name: ______________________________ Relationship to you: .
Think of one person in your life who is an expressive and complete the following questions.
1. What do you admire most about this person?
2. What do you believe his/her greatest strengths are, and what can you learn most from this person?
3. What suggestion would you give to this person to help him/her prevent that strength from becoming a weakness?
4. How can this person and others like him/her assist you in achieving your full potential? What can you do to help this person achieve his/her full potential?
Amiable - ball
What they like:
The amiable likes relationships to be warm and friendly. They enjoy making people happy and maintaining unity between people. They enjoy being with others, having a few close friends, assisting with people’s challenges, making a difference in people’s lives, and making sure everyone is getting along.
What they hate:
They hate conflict, unhappiness, and pushy people who aren’t concerned about others’ feelings. They don’t enjoy sharing their feelings as that can occasionally cause conflict. They don’t like when their friends, family, school mates, or co-workers don’t get along; they’re often caught in the center of conflicts as both sides usually trust and confide in them.
Relationship tips:
Since amiables don’t like conflict and will often take conflict personally, be cautious about being aggressive or playing up any disagreements. Help amiables to draw out feelings they may not want to share, and don’t get upset or become aggressive when they open up. You will at times need to dig a little or maybe a lot deeper to discover their true feelings (rather than just the surface ones they might voice to you).
In relationships:
An amiable will often be drawn to a driver, which can create the match made in heaven if both parties learn to overcome some of their weaknesses. If the amiable doesn’t share his feelings, he may become bitter over time. Amiables need to learn to share their feelings faster and not let things build up inside of them.
Amiables can also be the most stubborn of the four personalities. They will often deny this, but it’s best not to argue with them. J They may be somewhat selective about what issues cause them to feel strongly and will not often share how strongly they feel about those issues. They may even give in when arguments arise about these issues, but when the rubber meets the road, they will act according to their principles.
Amiables are great friends; their loyalty is as strong as the foundation of a building.
Childhood notes:
Amiables are often middle children. Their childhoods are often filled with mediation and conflict management between warring siblings. They will seek to please those around them and work hard not to create conflict. If amiables feel that they are successful in this role, they will often feel good about themselves and gain self-respect and confidence.
Of course, no one can please everyone, and amiables will struggle with this fact. They may believe they are responsible for conflict and internalize their feelings. Those stored feelings breed bitterness, which will start to eat away at their relationships, self-confidence, and perceptions about themselves and others.
In most situations, amiable children will continue to gain strength at being peacemakers and will often become so skilled in this that people around them will not know what their true feelings and thoughts really are. They often decide that it’s easier to “give in” to people and tell people what they want to hear than to voice dissenting opinions.
Adults and other young people will often like amiables as they are good listeners and show people that they really do care. Even if they don’t care, they still give people the impression that they care. This can hurt people without the amiable knowing it.
How childhood will affect the rest of their lives:
When amiables enter into adulthood, their personal strengths will often seem to be their greatest asset for awhile. Over time, their most valued relationships may start to come apart. The reasons vary but usually come down to a few core issues:
· Inability to deal effectively with conflict
· Desire to have peace at any price
· Not sharing feelings early enough
· Allowing people to take advantage of them and their loved ones
· Allowing their greatest strengths to become weaknesses
Dealing with conflict by avoiding it, giving in, and not sharing feelings are traits that most amiables develop over their lifetimes. Amiables need to learn to be much more aggressive sooner and not care about people’s feelings so much.
What will frustrate amiable adults most is that, ironically, they have the most conflict with those they try hardest to pacify. They need to learn to be more firm, “draw the line,” share feelings, and embrace conflict. If they work on it, over time, they will learn to do a better job dealing with conflict. Conflict will become their friend over time and will actually help them to have stronger, deeper, better relationships with everyone they know.
If amiables would deal with conflict sooner, avoid their tendencies to resist conflict, share more of their feelings, and stand up more often for themselves and their loved ones, they will be surprised to find their natural peacekeeping abilities have not been lost; they will actually find that those strengths will become weaknesses much less often.
Application – Amiable
Name: ______________________________ Relationship to you: .
Think of one person in your life who is an amiable and complete the following questions.
1. What do you admire most about this person?
2. What do you believe his/her greatest strengths are, and what can you learn most from this person?
3. What suggestion would you give to this person to help him/her prevent that strength from becoming a weakness?
4. How can this person and others like him/her assist you in achieving your full potential? What can you do to help this person achieve his/her full potential?
- How to Handle Difficult Relationship Situations
- Final Thoughts on RelationshipBuilding
Think of the individual in your life with whom you’re having the most difficulty. After reviewing the preceding materials, complete the following exercises and questions. (We will be using the masculine pronoun not out of any gender bias but simply to make the language more accessible.)
A. What is that person’s primary personality? _________________ Secondary personality? __________________
If you’re not sure, you can ask yourself two very simple questions to help determine that individual’s personality:
1. Is he more aggressive or less? [ ]-More, [ ]-Less
If you’re not sure about the answer on this one, he is probably less aggressive. If he is more aggressive, he is probably either a driver or expressive personality. If he is less aggressive, he is probably an amiable or an analytical.
2. Is his focus more on people or tasks? [ ]-People, [ ]-Tasks
You will know this by thinking about past situations or listening to him speak. If he is more focused on tasks being completed, he may be either an analytical or a driver. If he’s more concerned about people, he would probably be an amiable or an expressive.
Less Aggressive & Task-Oriented = Analytical
More Aggressive & Task-Oriented = Driver
More Aggressive & People-Oriented = Expressive
Less Aggressive & People-Oriented = Amiable
B. Think about what confuses or angers you most about this person and write it down:
Usually the person with whom you struggle most will either be your total opposite in personality or will have the same personality style as you. If you and he have the same personality and he has some type of authority over you or is older, there’s a good chance that he is trying to help you grow but struggles with communicating that to you. He might see you as someone with a great deal of potential who is making a number of the same mistakes that he made when he was younger. He would like to prevent you from making those mistakes, which is what causes much of the conflict.
If that person is the opposite personality, there is a strong possibility that neither party really shows appreciation for the natural giftedness of the other, thus causing the conflict. Neither person feels appreciated, loved, or nurtured. The reason this occurs is because we (all humans) value the things we’re naturally good at and often fail to recognize or show appreciation for the natural talents and giftedness of others. To change this relationship dramatically, look for two or three character traits in this person that you would like to emulate (imitate), and then mention to that person how much you value his strengths in those areas. Ask if he would be willing to help you to be more like him.
He will probably be very shocked initially; it might take a couple of requests before he agrees, but once he does, you will see a marked difference in the relationship. We all like to feel valued and enjoy making a difference in people’s lives. We also tend to know what our own strengths are and appreciate when people recognize us for them. All people are drawn to others who praise their strengths, show that they appreciate those strengths, and then seek to learn from us.
You will find that you are a much stronger person as a result of this interaction; your natural weaknesses will diminish and you will grow personally. Your relationship with that individual will grow as well. Once that person believes they are making a difference in your life, he may then seek to reinforce you in the same manner. Don’t expect this reaction right away! It might take 3, 6, or even more than 12 months before you reap the good consequences of your efforts. If you’re patient, he will appreciate your labors and may ask you if you would help him overcome the areas in which he is weak.
C. Please list two things about the person with whom you struggle the most that you believe you could grow and learn from.
In your journal or on the back of one of the pages within your Life Masteries X-Ray, please journal about your feelings and actions as well as what the results were when you followed the above suggestion. Please remember that the relationship probably didn’t get to its current state overnight and probably won’t change overnight. Be patient! Don’t expect too much too soon. It might not even work on every person with whom you try it. Don’t give up. Over time, you will become better at it, and even one changed relationship will make all the difference in the world. You will also find that once you get one “success” under your belt, you’ll get much better at it. You will find that it takes less time and will be more effective after each and every effort.
For those of us who don’t feel that we’ve ever had success in building any relationship, we would like to give you a word of encouragement. It can be done, and it can be learned. It’s not easy to learn if you have few or no role models, but it can be learned and is well worth the effort, sacrifice, and energy that you invest.
Building relationships is like constructing buildings. It’s easiest to build a good, solid, long-lasting building if you have a great plan, good materials, and helpers who have been successful at construction in the past. If you don’t have a mentor you can trust, please e-mail Life Masteries at info@lifemasteries.org and request further information about the life/relationship mentoring program.
Remember that buildings are constructed one brick at a time. Relationships are built one success at a time. Rock-solid, lifelong relationships are usually built on the successes of facing challenges and overcoming them.
By understanding our own and others’ personalities, strengths, and weaknesses, we are in a much better position to cause relationships to advance to the next level of success and maturity. For additional information on relationship building along with additional resource materials, please feel free to visit lifemasteries.org
- What if I have characteristics of all the personality types?
Before we go on, please take five minutes to reflect on what you’ve learned so far and write down one action with which you commit to follow through. If all this talk about personalities has intrigued you but you feel that you don’t really fit any of the “molds,” then you’ll be excited to know we’ve anticipated that you might! After you take five minutes to list what you’ve learned, you’ll learn about the “inner quadrant” personality, who struggles with the whole concept of personalities, testing, and “putting people in a box.”
If you’ve struggled though all the personality discussion and just can’t find your fit, congratulations for sticking with it. You may know someone who took the Life X-Ray and didn’t make it through the whole discussion of personalities! You would do them a huge favor by encouraging them to pick their Life X-Ray back up and read it in its entirety.
More than 50% of the general population has what we call “inner quadrant” personalities. What this means is that an individual’s primary personality is the opposite of her secondary personality. This person is like a chameleon and can naturally adapt to the environment in which she finds herself. Inner quadrant personalities can be detailed or haphazard, aggressive or nurturing on any given day! These individuals often have a number of friends, do fairly well in most social situations, and see great success in life.
While there are many benefits to having an inner quadrant personality, these types of people also have a great deal of inner conflict. They often perceive that a battle is going on inside of them. If you struggle with the whole concept behind personality study or struggle with identifying what personality type you are, there is a very good chance you are an inner quadrant personality.
Some of these examples might describe the thought process of an inner quadrant personality:
Amiable/Driver: I really want people to be happy and to avoid conflict, but for goodness’ sake, let’s get the work done now!
Analytical/Expressive: No one better make any mistakes while we’re having a fun time acting on the millions of great ideas that I come up with!
Driver/Amiable: I want the job done now, but I really want everyone to be happy, get along, and feel good about working together on the team.
Expressive/Analytical: I have so many ideas that it’s hard to keep up with them all, but let’s have fun doing a bunch of different things. By the way, did I mention that I hate when people (including myself) make mistakes or don’t get all the details right?
If any or all of the above seem to fit you, you may be an inner quadrant personality. If so, understand that your inner conflict is a gift and one of the greatest strengths you have. When used properly, it will provide you with the ability to do almost super-human things. On the other hand, if you don’t control and manage your inner battles, like other strengths, they can become weaknesses and hurt us and those around us.
The best way to control this strength is to listen to those around us. They often have a much better perspective on when our strengths are becoming weaknesses and will often let us know. The challenge is that those closest to us will often fail to praise our strengths and will only bring up the weaknesses. When teachers, co-workers, parents, or bosses do this, we often don’t listen to them because they don’t discuss our good points, so we miss the truth of what they have to say.
If you think you’re an inner quadrant personality or know someone who is, take a couple of minutes to write down what your greatest strengths are, how they can become weaknesses, and what you can do to prevent that from happening.
For more details on how inner quadrant personalities can achieve their full potential, please visit www.lifemasteries.org , talk to your certified consultant, or request other materials, tools, and assistance that Life Masteries can offer.
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